Ladder To Heaven
by Lord Rekhyt
Summary: Jacob recalls the tale of his time with Edward. Rated M for Slash and character death. I suck at summaries... Please R


**Disclaimer: **Twilight is the property of the talented Stephenie Meyer. I'm just borrowing her marvelous creation.

**Warnings: **Slash (boyXboy) and character death.

**Ladder to Heaven**

Jacob Black sat on the luxuriant blue carpet of his living room, beside the ornately carved coffee table that he had always loved, quietly sobbing over his glass of single-malt whiskey. As his salty tears fell slowly from his chin and into the honey colored liquid, he couldn't bring himself to keep them from tumbling down his cheeks.

**X**

It hadn't always been like this. He used to be happy. He once had a smile that could light up and entire room, a laugh that could change everyone around him. He used to be a charismatic go-getter, infectious in his permanent euphoria.

And once upon a time, he's had a soul mate. He had been loved.

He had met Edward Cullen when they were in elementary school, when they had shared a meal on their first day there. After that, they had become inseparable. As the years passed by, they became closer than what most people considered to be healthy for two boys, but they were young, and the physical contact between them didn't bother them.

When they reached high school, Jacob realized that he was in love with Edward. It hurt to be away from him, and he relished every touch between them. Edward touched him often, more than what was considered normal, and it was then that Jacob started to think that maybe Edward was in love with him too.

"Edward…?" Jacob said one day after school. They were lying on Edward's bed, staring at the roof while Edward ran his fingers through Jacob's thick black.

"Hmm?" Edward said, indicating that he was listening.

"Why do you always touch me so much?"

Edward's hand withdrew immediately.

"I'm sorry, Jake." He said in a hurt tone. "I didn't think made you uncomfortable…"

Jacob's reaction was instant. He placed a hand on Edward's chest and drew him closer, burying his face in Edward's arm.

"No!" he said desperately. "That's not what I meant! I – I love it when you touch me."

He looked into Edward's eyes and blushed as a smile graced Edward's angelic features.

"Would you, well…" Edward stuttered unsurely, "would it be okay if I kissed you?"

Jacob didn't answer with words. His eyes said everything, brimming with joy at Edward's request.

Their first kiss was tentative and uncertain, but electrifying for both boys. They pulled apart, both blushing furiously, but they couldn't take their eyes off of each other.

Jacob's first sexual experience had come right after graduation. They had gone out to celebrate, then headed to Edward's house. Collapsing on his bed, they kissed passionately, with Edward lying on top of Jacob. Jacob's hands slid under his boyfriend's shirt, caressing the pale skin softly and making Edward moan into his mouth. Edward's body grinded down instinctively, and the evidence of his pleasure and desire was clear as Jacob felt something long and painfully hard poking into his thigh.

"Did I do that?" Jacob asked nervously.

"You've always done this to me." Edward purred, kissing Jacob's neck tenderly.

Jacob grinned softly and moved his hand between them, cupping Edward's erection in his hand.  
He slowly rubbed against it, eliciting moans and cries from his lover.

"Stop." Edward gritted out. When Jake removed his hand, Edward unbuttoned his pants, freeing his hard-on. Jacob stared at it in wonder, having never seen Edward in all of his glory before.

Edward flushed slightly under Jacob's gaze.

"Like what you see?" he asked.

Jacob simply nodded, licking his lips. He took up stroking again, his movements quicker this time. While he worked, he kept his eyes glued on Edward's face, taking pleasure in every beautiful moan and euphoric look from his lover.

When Edward warned him that he was going to explode, Jacob ducked his head down and engulfed Edward's hardness in his mouth, pumping it a few times until Edward blew his load.  
Jacob swallowed it eagerly, enjoying the salty, slightly bitter taste.

Edward fell back, a look of wonder and joy spreading over his face while he panted from exhaustion.

Jacob shifted his clothed erection painfully. He whimpered quietly, drawing Edward's attention back to him.

"What's the matter, babe?" he asked in concern.

"I – well…" Jacob stuttered, unsure of what to say.

"What is it, Jakey?"

Jake pressed the length of his body against Edward's side, showing Edward what was causing his discomfort.

Edward laughed softly and immediately began to unbutton Jake's pants, keen to pleasure his boyfriend as he had just been pleasured.

He slid Jacob's pants and underwear to his ankles in one fluid movement, exposing him completely. He wasted no time after that, placing the long hard organ into his mouth and sucking it hard. Jacob's head fell back in ecstasy, and he raked his nails across the back of Edward's shirt, wishing that he had had the insight to remove the offending item of clothing earlier. He felt Edward's one hand move to cup his balls, massaging them gently, and that was all it took. He fell back, releasing all of his juices into Edward's anticipating mouth.

Wow." Jacob panted out. "That was just –"

"Unbelievable." Edward said, kissing Jacob again. For hours after, they ;aid there cuddling with each other, whispering sweet nothings, and Edward promised that he would never leave Jacob.

**X**

Jacob clutched his glass harder, willing himself to stop shaking. That was the first time that Edward had made that promise. It hurt to think about it now, after everything had gone so horribly wrong. Jacob had been trying to block out these memories over the last few days, but now he couldn't stop himself. All those words, all of the touches, came back to him, seemingly as real as when they had happened.

**X**

They had gone to college together, not willing to be separated. They arranged to share a dormitory room, and spent as much time together as they possibly could. They woke up seeing each others faces every day. They fell asleep every night thinking of each other. They were the perfect couple, untouchable from the hateful society that treated gay men like scum. They didn't care what anyone thought. They were together, and that was all that mattered.

The second time that Edward had promised to never leave Jacob had been after a massive frat party. Jacob was dancing and drinking far too much, loosening up after a long semester. His drink had been spiked, and he had lost his sense of morals somewhere along the way, eventually allowing another man to lead him off into a dark room, where he violated and raped Jacob in his semi-conscious state. Jacob didn't realize what was happening at all. It was only hours later, when the lights had been abruptly flicked on, that he knew that something was wrong. He blinked as the harsh light invaded his eyes, hearing a flurry of distorted voices yelling. He wasn't aware that there had been pressure on top of his body until it was suddenly gone, and he wondered what was going on.

"Stay away from him or I'll kill you!" He had heard a voice that sounded like Edward's yell in a dangerous voice.

A brief murmur followed that, accompanied by the muffled sound of footsteps.

For some time, there was silence, and Jacob still had no clue what was going on. Eventually, a slight incline in the bed alerted him that someone had sat down by him, and he became aware that he was naked. He tried to reach for a blanket to cover himself, but his arms wouldn't move properly. He began to panic, tears streaming from his eyes.

"What?" he stammered with difficulty. "What's happened?"

"Relax, Jacob." He heard Edward murmur. "It's alright now."

Jacob was adamant. He insisted to be told, and reluctantly, Edward gave in to him.

"You were raped." He said softly, and Jacob froze as his world came crashing down around him.

"Who?" he asked in a timid voice.

"Emmet. He spiked your drink with a date-rape drug."

Jacob's body curled up instinctively into a ball, and tears fell from his eyes as if a flood gate had been opened.

He screamed a fair few times, clutching the sheets and pulling at his hair. Every time he tried to hurt himself, he felt Edward's hand restraining him, grasping his wrists and whispering words of comfort.

"I'm so – sorry Edward." He cried out. "I'm so sorry!"

Edward brushed Jacob's hair out of his eyes, looking into them.

"It wasn't your fault." He said plainly.

He made to stand up, muttering about getting a glass of water, but Jacob's hand shot out and prevented him.

"Don't leave me." He whispered desperately.

"I'm just getting you a drink of water." Edward said in confusion, but Jacob started sobbing again.

"Don't leave me." He repeated, and that was when Edward realized what Jacob really meant by that request. He dropped to his knees beside the bed, wrapping his arms around Jacob and holding him tightly to his broad chest.

"I will never leave you. I promise, Jacob. I will never leave you."

That had been the second time that those words had crossed Edward's lips. The third time he had said that was when, four years later, he had been offered a high paying job in London.

Jacob had come home after work one day to find that the apartment they shared was empty. He put his keys on the kitchen counter and walked to the bedroom that he and Edward shared. As he opened the cupboard to retrieve his pajamas, something white caught his eye as it tumbled to the ground.

He picked it up, noticing that it was addressed to Edward Cullen, with an overseas return address posted on the back. His curiosity overcame his better judgment, and he opened the letter, pulling out the sheet of paper held within it in a swift movement.

His eyes scanned the page quickly, widening more with each line. He read it again two more times before the reality of the situation hit him. Edward had been offered a job in one of the most expensive parts of London, and the sum of money he had been offered was amazing. There was no real rason for him not to take that opportunity. It was his big break.

When Edward arrived home half an hour later, he found Jacob sitting on their bed crying. He saw the letter laying next to him, and knew what had happened. In a matter of seconds he was by his boyfriend, cradling him and apologizing over and over to him.

"Why are you apologizing?" Jacob asked thickly through his tears.

"I should have told you." Edward wept. "I should have told you about it all."

Jacob took a deep, steadying breath. "It's alright, Ed. I understand. It's your big break, and you should take it."

Edward looked at him in disbelief, and Jacob shook his head.

"Honestly, I'm not upset about that. I'm just upset about loosing you like this after all these years. But this is what you need, and I understand that. I'm willing to let you go if it makes you happy."

For a full minute Edward didn't respond. Coming to his senses, he crushed Jacob against him, crying and laughing at the same time.

"You stupid, beautiful creature." He said with mirth. "You silly, amazing man. I would never leave you, not even for something like this! That letter is months old. I only kept it as a reference, and I didn't want to tell you because you would have tried to make me take that horrid job."

Jacob was stunned. "Months old? But how…"

Edward shook his head. "As soon as I got that offer, I phoned them up and turned them down. I couldn't do that to you, Jacob. I made a promise to you, remember?"

Jacob started to cry again, but this time from feeling overwhelmed with the purest, most overpowering love he had ever felt. Edward would never leave him for something so trivial.

**X**

Jacob drank down the last bit of whiskey and poured himself another glass with shaking hands. His body screamed for rest, and his mind was becoming numb with emotional exhaustion, but he couldn't bring himself to stop thinking about Edward.

It was the most painful thing he had done in the longest time, but he felt that it was necessary now. He had to relive these memories, while he could still recall hem so clearly. He felt that he had to preserve these thoughts while they were still so pure and untarnished by time.

**X**

The following month Edward had done something totally unexpected. In the middle f an expensive restaurant he had dropped to one knee, holding out a ring.

"Jacob Black," he said sincerely, "I love you with all my heart. I cannot imagine a moment that I could ever regret spending with you, and I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. Will you marry me?"

Jacob took the ring, an engraved silver band, and slid it onto his finger. It was a perfect fit.

"Yes." He replied emotionally. He kissed Edward passionately as the restaurant's occupants burst into applause.

Four months later, they were standing at the altar, exchanging their vows. Jacob couldn't tear his eyes away from the man he was marrying. He was radiant and perfect, everything Jacob had ever wanted and more. When they had said their vows and kissed, they held each other tightly.

"I'm so glad we did this." Jacob whispered joyfully.

"Me too." Edward replied. "It would hurt so much to loose you, Jacob. I love you too much for that."

They danced at their reception while Edward's sisters, Rosalie and Alice; serenaded them from the stage. Edward's parents were crying from joy, seeing their eldest child so happy. Jacob wished that his own parents could have been there to see him, but his mother had died years previously, and his father didn't approve of having a gay son. Still, even with the absence of his family, he had his friends there on his big day. Sam, Seth, Leah, Jared and Paul were all there to sheer him on, congratulating him over and over again. It was the happiest moment of Jacob's life, dancing in the arms of the man he loved while his friends watched him and approved so completely of his choice.

It was only a year later that tragedy had struck them. Edward had been away on a business trip, somewhere in South America, and had come back feeling feverish. After a trip to the doctor, he was placed on some mild antibiotics, and his situation seemed to all but vanish. For a few weeks, he was fine, with only an occasional mild cough, but then it things got worse again. Edward became incredibly ill, and Jacob rushed him to the hospital. He waited all night in the hospital's lobby, staring blankly at the wall opposite from him, hoping and praying that the doctors would eventually return to him with good news.

When the sun was slowly beginning to peek over the horizon, a doctor finally came to find him.

"Are you Jacob Black?" he asked.

Jacob nodded. "Is Edward okay? Please tell me he's alright now."

The doctor's expression gave nothing away. "Mr. Cullen is asking for you."

Jake followed the doctor down the winding corridors, up in an elevator, and eventually arrived at Edward's room.

"Don't stay to long." The doctor cautioned, letting Jacob into the room.

On the bed, looking pale and worn, was Edward. Over night he had become a stranger, with dark, bruise like shadows under his eyes and almost translucent skin. Numerous drips and needles were stuck in his wrists and upper arms,, and he seemed completely exhausted.

"Hey." He greeted wearily.

"Hey back at you." Jacob murmured, walking to his side. "What happened?"

"It was my trip to South America." Edward said. "I picked up some rare virus that's been damaging me. The antibiotics worked for a while, but the virus adapted to it and became aggressive."

Jacob paled. "Thank god we got you to the doctor then… What would have happened if –?"

A tear escaped from Edward's eye.

"What's wrong?" Jacob asked in concern.

"They couldn't – well, there's no anti-virus. They couldn't cure me."

Jacob stared at him blankly, uncomprehending.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I'm dying, Jake." Edward said, the tears flowing freely. "I don't have much time. Days if I'm lucky. Hours if I'm not."

Jacob broke down. He collapsed to the floor, howling out at the pain caused by those words.

"But there must be something that they can do." He said desperately. "They can't just give up!"

Edward shook his head. "They've done everything that they can, Jacob, and I'm thankful, because it gave me a chance to see you again. To say goodbye."

Jacob shook his head. "I can't… You can't say goodbye to me now, Edward. I love you."

Edward smiled. "I love you too, Jacob. I always have, and I always will."

Jacob wrapped his arms around Edward, crying silently. Edward smoothed his hair down and whispered to him, knowing that there was nothing to say that would make things better. He kissed the top of Jacob's head lightly.

"I'm sorry Jake. I couldn't keep my promise."

Jacob held Edward tightly, unwilling to let go of the man he loved.

"I'm so sorry, Jake. I have to leave you…"

**X**

The tears were coming faster now, a veritable flood. Jacob's glass of whiskey slipped through his fingers and landed soundlessly on the carpet, rolling under the table. Jacob's breathing was erratic as he remembered that moment. The moment that Edward had broken his promise. He had died shortly after that conversation, while Jacob was still holding him. It may have been a trick of the light, but to Jacob it seemed that a small smile played on Edward's lips as the covered his face with a sheet, like dying in the arms of his love was some sort of consolation.

Three months had passed now, and Jacob rarely left the house. He would sleep on Edward's side of the bed every night, clutching one of his old shirts like a life line. Every hour of every day, he wished that he could find a way to reach Edward, some way to be reunited with him, but every new morning brought only disappointment and the pain of loss. Jacob wanted a ladder, a ladder long enough to reach heaven so that he could see Edward again. His health was deteriorating, and the constant pain in his chest was a torture beyond any pain ever described. He had always figured that he couldn't live without Edward, but he never knew how literal those words were. Ignoring the spilled alcohol, Jake crawled into his bed, on Edward's side, and pulled the blankets over his himself. Closing his eyes, he went in search of his ladder to heaven.

The next morning dawned bright and cheery. The sound of cars and people making their way to work could be heard through the window. Birds were singing, and life was continuing its steady march, and most of the people that passed by the house were relatively happy.

Jacob hadn't woken up that morning. Somewhere during the night, his pain had become too much to bear, and he had died. His heart simply stopped beating, and he didn't even realize that he had passed on. It was quick, easy, and painless. He was on his way to see the man he loved. He found his ladder to heaven.

**The End**


End file.
